Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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