Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
