My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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