i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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