my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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