A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
