a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
