If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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