All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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