I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
sarcasm needs its own font
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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