you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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