Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
