We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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