After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
