Duck Duck Cougar?
accomplished twins. life is a go
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
NoShamevember. You game?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
