She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
