I wish I could teleport
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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