I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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