Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
