my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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