you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
