this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
