Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i believe in u and ur pee
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
