Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
