I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
