you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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