remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
