Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
