My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
