im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
