the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This is the high leading the old right now
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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