You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
