Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
