He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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