just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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