You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
