me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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