Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
