She is in my trunk
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
