just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
