No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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