it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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