Who wears a wallet chain?!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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