Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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