If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
