clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
