Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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