dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
