My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
