im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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