So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
