see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
