I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
